Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

Sperm Banks and Vasectomies

  Winner of Steemit’s @ComedyOpenMic Weekly Comedy Contest (Round 22). Sperm banks and vasectomies are two things that I typically avoid talking about: Simply because I never want to have the latter and the former creeps me out! So it was surprising when my Canadian buddy, Dickie, brought both of them up in a recent…

Read More

UFO No-Go

“I brought this pistol because you never know about these aliens: You don’t know if they want to fuck you, fight you or fillet you!” “We interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast for a news flash,” says Tom Tinkerton at WBLO’s international studios in Atlanta, Georgia. “A UFO has just been sited near Rawhide, Nevada. WBLO’s ace…

Read More

Cat Apology

We had been together for five years through thick and thin and I knew he was pissed off, rightfully so. I was sitting in my downtown Austin, Texas apartment when my buddy Carl came over. He was way down in the mouth and moody. We had both gone to UT together and had both recently…

Read More

When Not to Mention a Booger

  Do I raise a fuss and cause an international incident over a booger? A few years ago I was in Shenzhen, China—a megacity across the border from Hong Kong—and in the mood for a movie. After walking to a brand new theater in an upscale mall called The MixC, I approached a cute ticket agent and instantly…

Read More

The Weed Fashionista

You ever see a beautiful woman and you can’t help but talk to her? Well, one day while walking through the Cloud 9 department store above the Zhongshan Park metro station in Shanghai, I noticed an amazingly attractive young woman dressed in an outfit that screamed: Hey, I love weed! She wore a backpack designed with colors from the…

Read More

Chappelle on Shemales

I was like, “Bitch, you sucked so much dick tonight there’s not one dry ball sack left!” –Dave Chappelle Winner of Steemit’s @ComedyOpenMic Contest Round 8 Warning: Strong language and adult situations. Hi, Dave Chappelle here with a serious question: Guys, you ever suck dick before? I mean, like just get the shaft all down…

Read More

Monkeys Gone Mental

  Hey, have you heard this: Monkey’s have a sense of fairness. Scientists have discovered that if you teach a monkey to exchange a rock for food, the monkeys can get upset if they aren’t treated fairly. In an experiment conducted by researchers at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, two monkeys were given one…

Read More

Breaking Bad Sequel Premiere (Fan Fiction)

Illustrated by Cali Comics   Series Premiere Title: “Don’t Get Mad, Call Chad” by Hillel Groovatti   Description: The gang returns in this exciting continuation of the epic Breaking Bad series. *Spoiler alert, please watch the original Breaking Bad series before reading this! Scene 1 Las Vegas, Nevada, present day, late evening. On a warm,…

Read More

Dog Haters in Vators

Image courtesy Max Pixel I was taking my dog to work on dog appreciation day. The upper parking lot was full, so I parked my car in the lower basement parking lot of the large office park that I work in, and then hopped into an empty elevator with my black lab, Coco, on a…

Read More