The Big Wow: A Psychonaut’s Amazing DMT Journey


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That trip was insanely wowwer than wow, it was the Big Wow! And I mean BIG! Mind-blowingly BIG!
My body sang with celestial wonderment as supernova chakra electrified every atom of my core!

I’m siting on a hotel balcony in Bangkok, Thailand in the afternoon getting high with this dude named Crux. I just met him at a class we’re taking together.

After class he turns to me and says, “You wanna get high,” in a thick southern accent. He said, “high” with about four syllables.

So we’re on his balcony at a new boutique hotel overlooking the city as the rain starts coming down. I refuse to remove my shades as the rain is splashing off the ground and hitting my eyes. We are both sitting with our legs crossed on the ground as it begins to pour.

Crux passes a pipe, turns to me and says, “You ever try DMT?”

“No, you,” I say itching to know if he tried it.

“I’m a psychonaut,” he says smiling like a Cheshire cat.

He’s in his mid thirties, from Northern Florida and has a crew cut and blonde hair. He’s wearing a shirt and tie in the middle of summer in Bangkok. The last thing you would imagine him to be is a psychonaut. In fact, he looks more like an accountant.

BACKGROUND



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It was really the DMT that empowered my commitment to the psychedelic experience.

Now if you’ve never heard of DMT or Dimethyltryptamine, it’s an intense mind-altering drug that causes powerful hallucinations and sometimes near-death illusions. DMT does occur naturally in many species of plants and animals including humans. It is a key ingredient in ayahuasca, a psychoactive brew used by shamans in the Amazon to gain spiritual insight. In addition, DMT may play a role in REM sleep and may be released when we die to ease our pain, but the jury is still out on exactly what this drug does in our bodies.

Terence McKenna, a world-renown psychonaut and DMT expert, once stated, “It was really the DMT that empowered my commitment to the psychedelic experience. DMT was so much more powerful, so much more alien, raising all kinds of issues about what is reality, what is language, what is the self, what is three-dimensional space and time, all the questions I became involved with over the next twenty years or so.” Source

My buddy, Rip, has been sending me info on DMT for years, see Further DMT Background below, and has been dying to try it. So when Crux turned to me and started talking about DMT, I listened with a heightened sense of curiosity.

Below is his story. He’s asked me to change his name and to not provide too many details about him as he doesn’t want his psychonauting to get out and jeopardize his current job.

CRUX’S DMT STORY



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(In Crux’s words) So I was helping a friend move into his apartment once in Florida and we kept walking by this dude sitting out on his balcony as we were carrying stuff into my friend’s new place. Eventually I stuck out my hand and said, “Hi, I’m Crux.” You know, just being neighborly.”He said his name was Vape and before too long, we became best buds. It’s weird how shit like that happens, you know what I’m saying!

THE CHEMIST



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Just as you catch your breath and are about to hightail it out of the house to save your ass, the earthquake stops and everything’s back to normal.

Turns out Vape is a chemist. The guy is a man of a very few words, but when he speaks, you listen. You know me, I’ll talk your ear off about nonsense for hours, but not Vape. He keeps his words mostly in his head, but damn if he doesn’t know his shit about chemicals!

It was Vape who first turned me on to DMT. He knew how to make it from scratch and bought all the ingredients online at some Deadhead website.

One day I was over at his place and he gave me just a taste. He sandwiched some DMT between two pieces of weed and had me smoke it. (Apparently DMT tastes like shit, hence the dope sandwich). I took one hit and I kid you not, the second I exhaled, I was tripping! It was that fast! Lightning fast! Like someone flicked on a switch.

Vape said the body metabolizes DMT instantaneously; hence, the superfast high. But almost as quickly as I exhaled it, the trip was over and done with. It was as if a sudden earthquake had occurred and just as you catch your breath and are about to hightail it out of the house to save your ass, the earthquake stops and everything’s back to normal. It was trippy-weird like that.

Now, Vape gave me enough DMT that day for a powerfully hallucinogenic trip and sent me on my way. The only instructions that he told me were to huff and huff the pipe till I couldn’t huff no more. “Whatever you do,” he said, “resist the urge to put the pipe down and enjoy the ride. You’ve gotta put enough DMT into your system to break on through. If you don’t break on through, you won’t have gone far enough and the entire trip will have been wasted!”

Well, that sounded easy enough. I just needed to arrange a good day and time to take it. I didn’t want to do it on a work night as I had no idea what effects that thing would have on me. Sometimes the effects of shrooms or acid will last well into the next day. Thus, I decided to try it on the following Saturday.

THE PREPARATION


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I got up and quickly drew the shades as I didn’t want anyone walking by to look in and see me trippindicular!

I woke up that faithful day, had a huge breakfast, went for a long walk and when I returned, I proceeded to sit down on my comfy armchair in my sparsely decorated living room. I extended the leg rests and laid back, as you do.

In front of me on the living room wall was a huge landscape painting that I had bought at a garage sale. To my right was my front door and to the left of that was a window looking out to a beautiful spring afternoon. (I got up and quickly drew the shades as I didn’t want anyone walking by to look in and see me trippindicular!) To my left was my kitchen and to the left of that was my bathroom and bedroom. I didn’t have a very big apartment and the living room was mostly barren except for a TV, stereo, coffee table, sofa and a few chairs.

Once I was good and relaxed, I sandwiched the DMT between two buds, placed it carefully in my pipe and took a monster hit and then some. I mean I huffed that pipe like my life depended on it as instructed by Vape. Two or three times I really wanted to just put that damn pipe down and start enjoying the ride, but I followed Vape’s explicit instructions and kept right on huffing that pipe.

Finally, out of sheer exhaustion, I put the pipe down.

Dude! Almost instantly I started feeling it, there was practically no delay! I mean, the microsecond I put that pipe down: blammo! And once that shit was in my system, I immediately started tripping balls!!!

I kid you not, it was like someone had plugged me in! BOOM: Welcome to the magic kingdom!

LIFT OFF



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Complicated pixilated pulsating forms just started penetrating my vision!

All at once, colors burst out of nowhere! My apartment is drab white, but all the sudden it was like I had been blind all these years or seeing in black and white and now I could really see. Dramatically vivid colors just assaulted my eyeballs from every direction! It was as if I had hopped into the computer and could see all the individual pixels with extreme clarity.



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My apartment was the same, but everything was slightly different too. Like my lighter was a different color, my TV had shrunk, the landscape picture on the wall was a different shape and size and constantly changing colors.

Next, all the lines and angles and curves in my apartment started gaining prominence. I mean it was as if a labyrinth of geometry was forming right in front of me. Complicated pixilated pulsating forms just started penetrating my vision!

Shit was crystal clear, man! More than crystal, impossibly clear! And the shapes, dude the shapes, were blowing my mind! They had been there all the time, how could I have missed them! They were so beautiful! They were dancing and thrashing about. The living room just morphed into a massive collection of integrated interlocking geometric figures: triangles, trapezoids, tetrahedrons, rectangles and cubes! It was geometry gone wild!



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I just sat back looking at all these shapes blasting out at me, outta thin air, and my mouth was agape! I finally just started laughing. That was the only way I could emotionally respond to the parade, the merry-go-round of figures in front of me, in my very own living room! Man, the only way I can really put it to words is saying it was like a kaleidoscopic dance of curvulated curvickles coming to life and pulsating out of every ordinary object in my living room: like my door, lighter, picture, coffee cup and bottle opener. Their forms just came alive!



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ENTER THE MUNCHKINS



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My mind started warping as the crystalline shapes and faces began changing at will.

As I slowly started to accept my new reality these dudes, like little munchkins, suddenly appeared outta fucking nowhere. They were just walking around humming to each other like, “mwha mwinga mwhaho muriguri majiwagga” and strolling about my apartment like they owned the place! They all had crew cuts identical to my own and were humanoid, but alien at the same time.

One of them commenced to communicate with me telepathically and said, “We’ve been here the whole time, but don’t mind us, we’re cool.” He actually said that with his mind! How wild is that! I could now read the minds of munchkins!

Have you ever known anyone uncool to say, “We’re cool?” Of course not, so I was mentally put at ease, but it was short lived, ‘cuz the fucking geometry kept changing from rectangles to cubes to like really extremely elongated cubes that extended to infinity. Needless to say, it started to feel a bit crowded in my apartment.



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And the munchkins were walking up the walls, on the ceiling and jumping through me. They were so trippy! They started giving me gifts too like the coolest lighter you’ve ever seen. One of them just handed it to me and it was so intricate, so detailed, had so many cogs and buttons on it and created the most amazing fire stream. I just sat there holding it and shaking my head as it was so well constructed and unique and beautiful! I had never seen anything so beautiful! It was impossibly beautiful!



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So imagine my barren apartment transformed into ultra bright psychedelic colors, twenty munchkins — oh, did I say they were naked, well they were — just moving about the apartment and all these crisp geometric shapes growing and throbbing and discombobulating. It was like I was in a live-action hologram only cooler!



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Then I started to see a smorgasbord of bizarre faces meticulously manifesting. Multiple faces on one head extending infinitely down vast corridors. And then crystal-line shapes started appearing. They were almost moving in unison.



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My mind started warping as the crystalline shapes and faces began changing at will. They were metamorphosing and reanimating. Folding into each other, multiplying, blooming, seeding, blending, twisting and flip-flopping.



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I reached out to touch one of them and then all the shapes fractalized into a myriad of marvelous splendor. It was like a gigantic mirror had cracked into a billion reflective pieces.

 


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BREAKING ON THROUGH



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I felt like I was having a private conversation with a heavenly spirit and he was revealing the universe to me all at once.

Just when my mind couldn’t take it anymore, I broke on through! I know this because I’ve read up on the topic and everyone says you break through when you leave your physical being or leave your physical environment and enter another one. For me, it was the latter.

Outta the blue, the ground below me dropped. I mean it just dropped and descended to infinity. I was still in my chair, but the floor was completely gone and darkness was below me. Then the walls and ceiling broke away and I lost them too! They tumbled and twisted away to oblivion.



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At that point it was just me and my armchair in the middle of the vastness of deep space! There was no sound, no visible light and no scents of any kind. It was like I had entered a dead zone. There was absolutely nothing around me, complete darkness.

Out in the far reaches of space I noticed a dot. I started to focus on the speck as it grew in size and got closer and closer. Eventually a giant three-headed golden dragon appeared. It must have had twenty wings and was flying right towards me breathing fire from each head and screeching like Godzilla in triplicate. It was magnificent! Its intricately interlaced scales were glittering and shimmering and I could feel the heat from the flames as it was approaching.

It got super close and then just flew right over me: zooooooommmmmmmmm. The dragon’s body and tail were so long that it was like being stopped at a railroad crossing watching all the railcars go by. It seemed to never end. Finally, the spiked tip of its enormous tail came into view. I turned to watch the beautiful beast fly away and it too quickly faded into nothingness. A huge breeze followed in its wake: phhhhhhhhhhfffff.



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I rubbed my eyes as the veil of darkness returned. All the sudden, numbers started slowly rising in front of me. The numbers were neon white, bright as a star. It was like I was in a theater watching these numbers scroll up outta the darkness and form simple equations.

 



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Then letters slowly started rising. They gradually got faster and started grouping together into words, phrases, sentences and conversations.

I was trying to read the words and make sense out of them when a voice rattled my soul. It was a deep baritone that abruptly, outta the nothingness said, “This is what you know!”

He was referring to the words and numbers rising before me: It was shit I already knew! Of course!

Then the scrolling words got faster and faster and long-ass complex equations started appearing and streaming in front of me. The new information became so fast that it was like warp, whoop, whip, whample, worgle! The information eventually became just a bright line of continuous light. I couldn’t make out a thing.



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That deep voice swiftly returned and echoed throughout the cosmos. And I kid you not, when he spoke, I felt it in my balls! He said, “This is all I know!”

Holy fucccckkkkkk! He was referring to the info that was flying past me so fast that I couldn’t even see it! I’m thinking, “Wow, that’s one smart mofo if he knows all that shit flying past me!”

At that point in time, I felt like I was having a private conversation with a heavenly spirit and he was revealing the universe to me all at once. My eyes were so wide open that they took up half my face!

A SINGLE POINT OF LIGHT



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I clawed deep down into the armrests on my armchair because I knew something big was coming.

Then the information streaming in front of me coalesced into a single point of light of radiant energy and that light rose high into the emptiness of deep dark space. I clawed deep down into the armrests on my armchair because I knew something big was coming. You know when you’re scared you can feel the hairs on the back of your neck rise? Well, my hairs were erect. You could have hung socks on each individual follicle. And my toes were clinched so tightly I couldn’t walk right for a few days after.

The single point of light far away in deep space started to take shape as all the information piled into it. I could hear the data crunching like fut, tut, tut, tut, crickle, crackle, boom! Suddenly a fetus was formed, a real live giant fetus, in the middle of deep space!



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What really tripped me the fuck out is somehow I knew, I don’t know how, but clear as day, I knew that that fetus was me!!! It was me! And all that info flying past me had been crammed into me before I was born! And I was witnessing my own creation! Holy fuckkkkkk!!!!!

 



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Let me tell you, something more powerful than you and I is out there and it made us and everything around us and I was communicating with it somehow, someway, in my armchair high on DMT!!! I felt in awe and was so aware and more awake than I’d ever been before or since!

 



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I somehow managed to take a deep breath: Hoooooooph! It was so refreshing! It was like I hadn’t been breathing my whole life and my sinuses instantly were loaded with billions of new receptors. Pure sinus sensations!

I’ll tell you what space, deep space smelled like: It smelled like joy, pure joy! Like banana pancakes with heaps of butter and maple syrup on a Sunday morning next to an open fire in the middle of winter: Joy that was completely palpable!

 

THE CRACK



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I could smell my flesh burning and see it peeling away revealing the bone beneath!

But joy turned to fear real quickly. A small fissure, like a tiny tear, began to form far away in a dark corner of space. And through that break in the universe, was a bright light, whiter than any white you’ve ever seen and so intense it burned to look at it. The crack started to expand and became larger and larger. It began to vibrate with the heartbeat of the fetus. The edges fluttered with each rhythmic sound and I too began to synchronize to the calming beat: boom, boom, boom, boom. The soothing sound echoed throughout the majestic landscape like a million kettledrums playing in unison.



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The fetus was drawn to the break in the universe and slowly drifted towards it. As it got closer, the fetus’s heartbeat got louder and faster: Boom-Boom, Boom-Boom, BOOM-BOOM, BOOM-BOOM. Before I knew it, that fetus was gone. The fissure sucked it straight through: Sluuuuurp!

 



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Then I was alone in space, but space was not static, oh no it wasn’t! I felt it moving. I felt space shifting: Like it was going wamp wamp, browng, brip, bringgle, brap brap, bring bring, tookie tookie. Space was stretching and bending and contracting and I was one with the universe! How fucking cool is that!

 



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And then everything in the entire fucking universe started angling towards that one, bright, ginormous, rapidly growing fissure that the fetus had just gone through, everything including me! Bro, I’m telling you, moons, planets, solar systems and full-on galaxies we’re booking by me at unfathomably fast speeds all heading towards that growing crack in the fabric of space. And I started moving too! Fast, real fucking fast!

 



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My armchair wasn’t equipped to handle the speeds we were accelerating to. It quickly deteriorated followed by my clothes and hair. Dude, let me put it in perspective: I was buck naked hurling through space at impossible speeds, zooming dead ahead towards that fissure with all of nature, all of humanity, all that’s good, bad and indifferent. Everything known and unknown was heading towards that break in space and as I got closer the light was so fucking intense that I had to shield my eyes before they were fried and ripped out of their sockets! And I could smell my flesh burning and see it peeling away revealing the bone beneath!

 



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And the sound of the rushing universe was deafening! It was a cacophony of every noise you’ve ever heard amplified through the universal sound system I was privy to. It was like the collective roar of a zillion runaway freight trains! I mean, I thought my brain would explode from the sheer noise alone!

 



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As I neared the rift, I screamed! I did! It was a primal scream from the depths of my genetic lineage! It was one note that rattled the universe! I could see the edges of the fissure flutter after I yelled my galactic scream.

 





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Everything was so bright, so loud, so fast, so hot, and so utterly intense that I knew I would surely die! I mean, I was nearing that crack at warp 1,000,000,000+!

 



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Just as I was about to pass through that ridiculous gyrating, pulsating, throbbing, ever-expanding fissure in space, the trip abruptly ended and I was thrust back into my apartment and back onto my armchair as if nothing had happened!!!!!

FULL STOP



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That trip was insanely wowwer than wow, it was the Big Wow! And I mean BIG! Mind-blowingly BIG!

Talk about rapid deceleration! I was going faster than physically possible and then stopped on a dime without any skid marks, on the ground mind you (let’s not talk about the other variety). I instinctively checked my neck for whiplash and the rest of my body for any damage: everything was normal!

Instantly I was back in my apartment, 100% normal as if nothing had happened!!! No hangover and no fuzziness. It was all normal again. I was all normal again. I mean, I could have gone to work, played a round of golf, talked to my mom or fucked my girlfriend.

Dude!!! It felt like I had just been to the edge of space and back!!! Like someone had slingshotted me across the universe and in the blink of an eye I was right back where I had started!!!

I just sat there in my armchair for hours trying to process. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move! All I could say was, “Wow!” But that trip was insanely wowwer than wow, it was the Big Wow! And I mean BIG! Mind-blowingly BIG!

THE AFTERMATH



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My body sang with celestial wonderment as supernova chakra electrified every atom of my core!

You know what was really weird, I had just been on the journey of a lifetime and then some, but it was as if time stood still. I could have been gone for millennia or microseconds. I had no clue. Time didn’t exist and doesn’t exist for me now. Let me tell you, time is a bourgeois construct designed to get you to work your ass off for the man. However, I’m still clocked into that concept in theory, mind you, because I still need to work for the man, but in my head and ever since that day, I clocked out, for good!

Another weird thing was, none of the shit that you think matters, really matters. None of it, all that baggage that you worry about every single day, none of it matters at all when you’re tripping balls. I’m telling you, I had no concept of time or space or being. I was part of a much bigger whole. I was part of the multiverse. There is something much bigger than you or I could ever imagine bro! Words can’t describe it, but we are all connected! From the smallest Higgs-boson particle to the largest black holes ever created, we are all one!

And talk about Atlas shrugging, man I shuttered, chilled to the very marrow of my soul when I saw the greatness and beauty of it all, the sparkling grandeur, the inconceivable vastness of the multiverse and the graceful gobstopping glory of us. The incredibly immaculate connectedness of space and the amazingly massive potential of the individual. The struggle, the purity, the singularity of purpose, of mind, of heart, of spirit! My body sang with celestial wonderment as supernova chakra electrified every atom of my core!

I tell ya, I’m exhausted just reliving it! Phewwwww!

And you know what, that was ten years ago and I’ve never taken DMT again. I don’t have to! I learned all I need to know, all I need to see. And I’m afraid if I ever do try DMT again, it won’t be as good! Once was enough for me and I’ll always cherish that experience. It was so personal, so clear, so eventful, that I still can’t fully comprehend everything that was revealed to me!

And man, if you aren’t motivated after what I just described to you, if you aren’t motivated to do something with this miracle that is you, you’re not alive! Listen, we are all divine! We bring light! We are the gift bearers. We are the masters of the universe! Revel in all that is light. Revel in all that is good. Revel in your goodness. Revel in all that is you!

Now go out there and make something of yourself and lift up others while you do it!

And stop hogging that pipe!

The End

Warning: DMT is an incredibly powerful drug! According to some of the people below, it can trigger schizophrenia, OCD and PTSD. If you have mental problems or your family has a history of mental problems, do not take DMT! If you are curious about DMT, please read up on it and check out some of the links below that I used while researching this story.

Further DMT Background

Talking Heads: Direct DMT Accounts

DMT Safety Guide | “Reducing Harm Through Education”

A FEW REASONS NOT TO SMOKE DMT

Patricio Dominguez: A warning about DMT

What to think about before taking DMT

WHAT THE DMT ALIENS LOOK LIKE | My Experience (Cosmic Serpents, Psychedelic Entities, Astral Beings)

What The Machine Elves Told Me On DMT

Terence McKenna Describes DMT Trip

What’s the DMT trip like? Dimethyltryptamine high dose trip report “too much DMT”

What DMT Feels Like | “Interactive Experience”

DMT VS LSD | “What We Can See”

Dimethyltryptamine (DMT): What I wish I was told before my trip! (WARNING: I DIED & LOST EVERYTHING)

Aubrey Marcus’ Crazy Ayahuasca Trip

On Machine-Elves and Hyperspace Jesters (feat. Rogan, McKenna, Alan Watts, Manly P. Hall)

Owsley says DMT made the volume of music louder

DMT Animated Replications: “Meeting Entities”

DMT and Terence McKenna

Terence McKenna – DMT: Death by Astonishment

Terence McKenna – DMT is Everything!

Terence McKenna – DMT Gnomes & Christmas Elves

DMT, Mathematical Dimensions, Language, Memes and Death (Terence McKenna)

Terence McKenna Soundbites

https://psychedelicsalon.com/members/terence-mckenna-sound-bites/

Terence McKenna and Beyond

Podcast 298 – “Terence McKenna: Beyond 2012” Part 1
https://psychedelicsalon.com/podcast-298-terence-mckenna-beyond-2012-part-1/

A Chronology of Terence McKenna-Related Books, Ideas, People and Other Things

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/xd57jw/a-chronology-of-terence-mckenna-related-books-ideas-people-and-other-things

DMT and Joe Rogan

Joe Rogan’s DMT Experiences

Joe Rogan – DMT (JRE #532 – Shooter Jennings)

Joe Rogan & Dorian Yates on DMT and Ayahuasca

Joe Rogan Reacts to Michael Pollan’s DMT Story

Joe – Is DMT a portal to another dimension? With Dennis McKenna (Terence McKenna’s Brother)

DMT Movies

DMT: The Spirit Molecule

The Reality Of Truth | Powerful DMT Movie Featuring Deepak Chopra & Michelle Rodriguez

Ayahuasca Tribe Documentary | National Geographic | Discovery Channel | History Channel

DMT Podcasts

Future Thinkers Podcast: FTP022: DMT: Crazy Psychedelic or Portal to Other Dimensions?

DMT Exp #17 DMT Breakthroughs

https://anchor.fm/househaze/episodes/DMT-Exp-17-DMT-Breakthroughs-e11lct

DMT & My Occult Mind: 14: DMT Researcher Dick Khan – 600 Trips to HyperSpace

DMT Stories

Ayahuasca/DMT ruined my life

https://medium.com/@nickspamless/ayahuasca-dmt-ruined-my-life-2ff45cbe4d5b

5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before My First Ayahuasca Experience

https://www.warrior.do/ayahuasca/

I Did DMT At A Castle In Paris And Went Straight To Hell. Here’s What You Should Know Before Doing Psychedelics.

https://medium.com/indian-thoughts/i-did-dmt-at-a-castle-in-paris-and-went-straight-to-hell-975c8e0af4c4

DMT in the News

DMT Resources

Previously on Groovatti

Thank you for reading “The Big Wow: A Psychonaut’s Amazing DMT Journey”!

Check out some of my other stories:

Hillel Groovatti is the author of the short fiction collection entitled Totally Losing Face and Other Stories.



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