Cat Apology
We had been together for five years, through thick and thin, and I knew he was pissed off, rightfully so. I had to apologize to my cat the other day. It’s a long story, but essentially this is what went down. My cat, Sebastian, was sitting on the couch a few weeks ago getting high,…
Read MoreWhen Not to Mention a Booger
Do I raise a fuss and cause an international incident over a booger? A few years ago I was in Shenzhen, China—a megacity across the border from Hong Kong—and in the mood for a movie. After walking to a brand new theater in an upscale mall called The MixC, I approached a cute ticket agent and instantly…
Read MoreThe Weed Fashionista
You ever see a beautiful woman and you can’t help but talk to her? Well, one day while walking through the Cloud 9 department store above the Zhongshan Park metro station in Shanghai, I noticed an amazingly attractive young woman dressed in an outfit that screamed: Hey, I love weed! She wore a backpack designed with colors from the…
Read MoreChappelle on Shemales
I was like, “Bitch, you sucked so much dick tonight there’s not one dry ball sack left!” –Dave Chappelle Winner of Steemit’s @ComedyOpenMic Contest Round 8 Warning: Strong language and adult situations. Below is an imaginary stand-up comedy performance by legendary comedian Dave Chappelle. Hi, Dave Chappelle here with a serious question: Guys, you ever…
Read MoreFacebook to buy IBM in massive stock swap valued at over $100 Billion USD (Spoof)
Source Menlo Park, CALIFORNIA (April 1st, 2019): Facebook, the undisputed social media king, today announced that it plans to buy IBM, a global technology powerhouse, for a stock swop estimated to be valued at well over US$100 billion. The newly merged company, iFaceBMBook, is expected to bring a vast number of under-aged consumers to IBM…
Read MoreStar Trek Discovery Fan Fiction: Asteroids Amongst Us
Illustrated by CaliComics Hey, have you seen this new TV show, Star Trek Discovery? If not, spoiler alert! I recently watched the first nine episodes of the new sci-fi series out on CBS. I liked the special effects, the ship’s design, the new uniforms, the cinematography, and the acting wasn’t half bad. However, the story, especially…
Read MoreAmazing Ants and Hardcore Toothpaste
One of my earliest childhood memories is being out on the front yard in the midday sun, minding my own business, watching my older brother mow the lawn. I sat down on a freshly cut area of grass and absorbed the heat from the sun and revealed at the joy of being alive. I think…
Read MoreProductivity Hacks from Successful Early Birds
Hey, have you heard this, “The early bird gets the worm”? Today’s post is all about productivity and how we can squeeze every ounce out of our day. But there’s more, you’ll also learn about opportunistic animals and how you too can avoid the pitfalls of certain unlucky critters and potentially turn your life around…
Read MoreGareth’s Dilemma
Gareth’s Dilemma (Excerpt from “Totally Losing Face and Other Stories“) It was late September as Gareth strutted into the break room where myself and all the secretaries were eating dinner. I was managing an English language school in Taipei, Taiwan and Gareth was one of my new recruits. He smiled and said “hi” to…
Read MoreAn Open Window
An Open Window (Excerpt from “Totally Losing Face and Other Stories“) There’s an open window on my right And a closed door on my left The sun is dipping The sky’s an angry wild beast My bird has taken flight Chaos is in control There’s an open window Yes, an open window Closing quickly…
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