Life Lessons from an ex-Blackjack Dealer

Country music legend Kenny Rogers used to croon about knowing “when to hold ’em” and knowing “when to fold ‘em”. As a former blackjack dealer, I learned a thing or two on the other side of the table. Lesson 1: Gaining an Edge Always learn everything you can about a game before you sit down…

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Fiery Hemorrhoid Remedy

Has your asspipe ever been in so much pain that you couldn’t stand or sit without wanting to scream? If not, consider yourself lucky! However, if you know what I’m talking about, then I think I have a quick solution for you. It’s not a cure, but it could quench the sudden pain flaring up from…

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Hey is Not for Horses!

Source Have you ever been called a jackass for using the word “hey”? “Hay is for horses,” they say. Then they get mean and ornery and say, “Aren’t you glad you’re a jackass!” That’s not nice! Who are these people? Idiots? Do they not like interjections? Are they not aware that “hey” is a very…

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The Big Wow: A Psychonaut’s Amazing DMT Journey

Source That trip was insanely wowwer than wow, it was the Big Wow! And I mean BIG! Mind-blowingly BIG! My body sang with celestial wonderment as supernova chakra electrified every atom of my core! Warning: DMT is an incredibly powerful drug! According to some experts, it can trigger schizophrenia, OCD and PTSD. If you have…

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Sperm Banks and Vasectomies

  Winner of Steemit’s @ComedyOpenMic Weekly Comedy Contest (Round 22). Sperm banks and vasectomies are two things that I typically avoid talking about: Simply because I never want to have the latter and the former creeps me out! So it was surprising when my Canadian buddy, Dickie, brought both of them up in a recent…

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The Squeaky Wheel

The worst wheel on the cart makes the most noise. –Benjamin Franklin Hey, have you heard this: The squeaky wheel gets all the grease? Ain’t that the god’s honest truth! The squeaky wheel gets all the attention, don’t it! Let me tell you, this rubber head that I work with just doesn’t know how to…

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UFO No-Go

“I brought this pistol because you never know about these aliens: You don’t know if they want to fuck you, fight you or fillet you!” “We interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast for a news flash,” says Tom Tinkerton at WBLO’s international studios in Atlanta, Georgia. “A UFO has just been sited near Rawhide, Nevada. WBLO’s ace…

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Cat Apology

We had been together for five years through thick and thin and I knew he was pissed off, rightfully so. I was sitting in my downtown Austin, Texas apartment when my buddy Carl came over. He was way down in the mouth and moody. We had both gone to UT together and had both recently…

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