Now Available by Hillel Groovatti

Totally Losing Face and Other Stories

With twenty outrageous stories covering everything from the bizarre to the unbelievable, Totally Losing Face and Other Stories provides hours of reading entertainment to those daring enough to consume it. Available on Amazon.

The Big Wow: A Psychonaut’s Amazing DMT Journey

"That trip was insanely wowwer than wow; it was the Big Wow! And I mean BIG! Mind-blowingly BIG! My body sang with celestial wonderment as supernova chakra electrified every atom of my core!" Available on Amazon.

Chris Versus the Succulent Pear

Chris, a fifth-year senior at Arizona State University, gets more than he bargained for when his store-bought pear turns out to be a pear-shaped alien hellbent on destroying his hungover Sunday. Available on Amazon.

The Celebrated Chef of Guangdong Province

An expat living in China uncovers a horrifying tale while eating at one of the most celebrated culinary establishments in Guangdong Province. Available on Amazon.

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Cloudy with a Chance of Sh*t Coins

A humorous cryptocurrency investment guide for newbies.

The Horrifying Darkness Behind that Old Adage ‘Don’t Put Your Eggs in One Basket’

"Put all your eggs in one basket, but watch that basket carefully!" --Mark Twain.

How to Light a Fart on Fire and not Burn Down the House or Singe the Pets

You may be wondering why on earth anyone would want to light their farts. Well, the biggest bonus to lighting your farts is it's fun AF !

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The Big Wow: A Psychonaut’s Amazing DMT Journey

"That trip was insanely wowwer than wow; it was the Big Wow! And I mean BIG! Mind-blowingly BIG! My body sang with celestial wonderment as supernova chakra electrified every atom of my core!" Available on Amazon.

Sperm Banks and Vasectomies

Sperm banks and vasectomies are two things that I typically avoid talking about: Simply because I never want to have the latter and the former creeps me out!

Cat Apology

What does your cat do to piss you off and how do you get back at your cat? In this hilarious short fiction piece, a human and his cat are forced into a one-up battle that ends badly.

Productivity Hacks from Successful Early Birds

Early birds and early worms might provide the best productivity hack to tweak your daily routine.

 

Chappelle on Shemales

Winner of Steemit's @ComedyOpenMic Contest Round 8. Dave Chappelle gets down and dirty in this inappropriately humorous standup comedy fan fiction skit.

Cartman Chokes a Chicken

Cartman gets busted trying to kill his neighbor’s rooster while Randy tries to institute a global ban on porn, hilarity ensues.

Star Trek Discovery Fan Fiction: Asteroids Amongst Us

Exploring the fringes of the Federation, the USS Shenzhou discovers a mysterious object lurking in a binary system surrounded by asteroids. The object could ignite an all out war with the Klingons.

Breaking Bad Sequel: Don't Get Mad, Call Chad

Badass sequel to the epic Breaking Bad series. Saul finds himself lost in Vegas after fleeing from Albuquerque. Everything changes when he has a chance meeting with a previous client.

Dog Haters in Vators

This flash fiction piece pits a dog hater in an elevator with a dog lover.

Shanghai House Party

This flash fiction piece provides a quick glimpse of an interesting house party in Shanghai, China.

Taichung Kung Fu

An expat traveling in Taichung, Taiwan struggles to communicate until he employs a kung-fu technique in this flash fiction comedy.

Will the Thrill

A loud, brash American goes to war, teaches English in Japan, and then confronts his mortality in this flash fiction character study.

Fiery Hemorrhoid Remedy

Has your asspipe ever been in so much pain that you couldn’t stand or sit without wanting to scream? If so, please read on for a convenient home remedy.

Cat Apology

What does your cat do to piss you off? In this hilarious short fiction piece, a human and his cat are forced into a one-up battle that ends badly.

 

 

Hey is Not for Horses!

Have you ever been called a jackass for using the word “hey”? That’s not nice! Who are these people? Idiots?

The Squeaky Wheel

Hey, have you heard this: The squeaky wheel gets all the grease? Ain’t that the god’s honest truth! The squeaky wheel gets all the attention, don’t it!

 

 

Productivity Hacks from Successful Early Birds

Early birds and early worms might provide the best productivity hack to tweak your daily routine.

 

 

Monkeys Gone Mental

Monkeys have a sense of fairness when treated unjustly. Learn more by reading this funny blog post.

When Not to Mention a Booger

Do I raise a fuss and cause an international incident over a booger? Was this long, slimy, disgusting thing worth it? I had to think long and hard.

 

Amazing Ants and Hardcore Toothpaste

If you were ever curious about how amazing ants actually are and how hardcore toothpaste really is, then go no further and read this blog pronto!

 

The Weed Fashionista

You ever see a beautiful woman and you can’t help but talk to her? Well, one day while walking through the Cloud 9 department store above the Zhongshan Park metro station in Shanghai, I noticed an amazingly attractive young woman dressed in an outfit that screamed: Hey, I love weed! 

Who the Hell Named the Honey Badger

Groovatti explores how things are named in this humorous blog piece.

 

 

Facebook to Buy IBM (Spoof)

Rumors of Facebook buying IBM can be put to rest in this humorous fake news story.

Life Lessons from an ex-Blackjack Dealer

As a former blackjack dealer, I learned a thing or two on the other side of the table to improve your odds of winning at the tables and in life.

The Fecal Anomaly

Home alone for the weekend, two high schoolers have their plans ruined when one of them develops a medical condition of epic proportions!

Mastering the Squat Shitter

If you've never used one before, the squat shitter can have a steep and dangerous learning curve. This story points out the pitfalls and then some!

The Fart Lover

Passing wind and farting at will is an underestimated talent. These skills are outlined in this brief poem about the delicate art of the fart.

The Celebrated Chef of Guangdong Province

Set in China's booming Guangdong province, a chef creates an amazing new dish; unfortunately, the main ingredient may be too difficult to obtain.

Flying Rebar

Two couples from New York city are in for a wild ride when they witness a rogue performing artist at an Amsterdam museum.

Pinching Zits

At a bizarre cocktail party, one man attempts to remove a large zit draped across a coworker's head, which then kickstarts an absurd sequence of events.

An Open Window

When opportunity strikes you must seize the day and take advantage before it passes and leaves you wondering what just happened.

Lessons From the Big Leagues

Where do old major league baseball players go after the fame and skills have long gone? No one can be certain, but some take the wrong path and end up on the wrong side of the needle.

The Fart Lover

Passing wind and farting at will is an underestimated talent. These skills are outlined in this brief poem about the delicate art of the fart.

UFO No-Go

A UFO has been sited on the outskirts of Rawhide, Nevada, USA. Ace reporter Bill Brawler and his trusty cameraman, Jose Jimenez, are hot on the scoop. If they can break the story, it'll be a huge career boost. However, a mysterious object could foil their plans.

Pinching Zits

At a bizarre cocktail party, one man attempts to remove a large zit draped across a coworker's head, which then kickstarts an absurd sequence of events.

Chris Versus the Succulent Pear

When an alien shaped like a pear suddenly appears on Chris's kitchen table, Chris and his college roommate are forced to use all their creative juices to do battle with the strange creature and protect their humble apartment.

GoMo BoMo

Based in the future, GoMo BoMo is a cautionary tale of science gone awry. Set in Australia and the USA, a corporate conglomerate attempts to genetically splice a chicken and a toad to speed up the life cycle and fertility of chickens. When live samples mysteriously go missing, two friends must track down the clues and bring the issue to the attention of the public. Even if it means bringing down their own company.

Totally Losing Face

A newcomer to Taiwan learns what it's like to truly lose face after dating a local hell-bent on saving her face.

Gareth's Dilemma

Gareth struggles with several relationships in Taipei, Taiwan. As the seasons change, so does his attitude towards women.

Hsaio-mei's New Lover

Hooking up with an old fuckbuddy is not as easy as it used to be in this flash fiction story.

The English Virgin

A new English teacher in Taiwan struggles with teaching, the culture, and most of all, red tape.

Check out my book, "Totally Losing Face and Other Stories"

Available in ebook and paperback formats. Click the Amazon button below to purchase.

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